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Town Stories

Tales of woe from the Town Camp. (Mainly Involving Chris Penny)

*NEW*  Ice Ice Penny

January 2006 and it's Neil Doyle's birthday, i won't tell you how old he is! To celebrate this a night to Headingley before heading into Leeds was planned. Arriving in Headingley the first port of call was The Skyrack, nothing much to note about this, however, we decided to move on to The Headingley Taps. To get there we took a short walk via some back streets, it was here that things took a turn for the worse for poor old Penny. With 4 or 5 of us ahead of a second group we came to a corner which had some water running across the road, with the weather being a little chilly to say the least, this water was no longer running and had become some lovely black ice. With a couple of us slipping slightly on this, a call of "careful round that corner it's frozen over" was sent back to the second group by Jake Bennett. Bounding up from behind to join this second group was one Chris Penny, again a warning came that Penny should probably stop running, "it's ok, i'm only trotting" said Penny confidently before stepping on the ice. It was then, with all the grace of a dying swan, that Penny hit the floor face first wath a nasty slap/crack and a round of "ooooooooooo's" from everybody watching before the laughing started.

As Bambi regained his footing it was clear to see that not all of the water was ice and had left several muddy patches all over Penny's shirt and jeans, not to mention a rosy and slightly swolen cheek and sore looking hands. Dejected, Penny decided not to run any more and instead headed straight to the toilets in the Taps to get dried off, poor Penny, what else is he going to do this year!

*NEW*  I'm Not Going To Make It!!!!!

Not too long ago after a night out in Leeds it was time to head home in a taxi. One of these taxis was taken by Chris Penny. Didn't see that one coming eh! Reaching Rothwell Penny, being the gentleman that he is, offerd to get out of the taxi at Tesco near Town's home pitch so the remaining people in the taxi could continue their journey in the shortest time possible and also to grab a quick bite to eat, it's here that things got a little strange.

Upon exiting the taxi Penny realised that he was in need of a lavatory, and it wasn't for a number 1! Remembering that Tesco was no longer a 24 hour garage and the time was 3 a.m. o food could be purchased and more worryingly the toilets could not be used! What to do!? Fortunately Penny had his running shoes on, similar to the ones in the previous story, so set off running down the road in the hope he could make it home without an accident. Reaching the bottom of his street and with the first two inches cold Penny decided that there was no way he could make it home and decided that enough was enough, a dump al fresco was in order. With a log cabin built Penny scrambled for some leaves and wiped up before continuing his journey home and visit to the fridge (I think he washed his hands).

To add to this Penny decided that he needed to see whether his deposit remained the following morning before playing for the Sunday team, sadly for him his present was nowhere to be seen. Probably the worst part of all of this is that he decided to announce this story to everybody the next week! 

*NEW*   New Season, Same Chris Penny

This story is thanks to Town's Sunday team. Before departing to play the Podger, the convoy of cars were about to pull out of 5th Avenue when there was a knock on manager Jim's car window, who was at the front of the line. There stood Penny who asked Jim to hold on for a couple minutes as he'd left his trainers. 30 seconds later after a quick jog to the changing rooms Penny came back to Jim's car and said "It doesn't matter, i've got them on".

Class.

New Kit Please!

Once upon a time (June) Paul Penny decided that after a long hard season it was time to have some fun, where’s the Fun Capital? Bridlington. So Paul and his son head out to the coast, the weather’s lovely, the air is fresh "Perfect" thought Penny, might as well stay the night! After parking up in the multi-storey the world was now his Oyster and a grand old evening was had by all.

The following morning Penny planned his journey home, "I might as well get some Windscreen Wiper Blades and Oil for the old mobile" After his little detour for said products it was off to the multi-storey. This is where his luck changed.

Where his car once stood was now only a burnt out shell. It appeared that during that night a car was used in a robbery/ram raid and to destroy the evidence they decided to torch it. They drove into the car park and parked up next to the old Daewoo and used it to help start the fire. So there was Penny, left open mouthed, holding a pack of wiper blades and a can of oil staring at the charred remains of his car.

Why he still had the kit in it I don’t know.

Kan't Find the Chicken

One evening after a long day at work midfielder Neil Doyle decided that a KFC would go down a treat. Pulling into the drive-thru he placed his order of a Chicken Sandwich meal for a bargain of 3.99. Hungry in aticipation he edged forward to the next window to pay, after waiting for a minute the assistant came back to the window. "I'm sorry but we seem to have run out of chicken". Doyley obviously found this strange and queried "are you joking? KFC! Chicken?". "I'm sorry about that, we can do you something else if you like?" was the reply. Again "KFC? Kentucky Fried CHICKEN?" was all that Doyle could say before asking for his money back and leaving still a hungry man .

Pool Party!

Earlier this year (2004) Town defender Craig (Rio) Purcell was celebrating his engagement to girlfriend Rachel. Kindly he invited the all the players to join him at The Rothwell Sports Centre in their bar/function room on a Saturday night.

That day Town were due to play Barwick but gale force winds and driving rain prevented the game from going ahead. Like all good spotsmen we headed into the Labour club for copious amounts of Ayingerbrau and games of pool. During this time we decided that it would be amusing to see who would fall for the idea that the Engagement party was actually a pool party. With several people ralising that it was a hoax, attention was turned to Chris Pennington. Before long Penny was looking excited and proclaimed that he hadn't been to a pool party since he was 10!

With Penny always within earshot talk turned to what we would be wearing that night, either turn up and get changed to go in the pool or to wear swim shorts with a change of clothes for later. As the day wore on it was time to bid farewell and give the final hints to Penny.

With most of the guests already present at the party all eyes were on the door waiting for Penny, it wasn't long before he turned up, complete with his rucksack packed up with his shorts and a towel! "Even people i don't know are laughing at me" said a rather dejected Chris. What a guy.

What's Going On In That Game!? and Who are they? (A double Story)

It may seem that we're picking on Chris Pennington but he just seems to amaze us. Town had just played their 1st game of the 2003/04 Season away at Featherstone. As ever we headed to their pub for a drink and a bite to eat. At the same time we were also watching the results come in on the Grandstand vidi-printer.

As the screens changed from the Premier League to Division 1 Penny shouted out "35-5!, What's going on in that game!"

Of course everybody else burst out laughing. Penny was referring to the Sheffield Utd vs Burnley game which was due to kick off live on Sky at 5:35 p.m.

A few weeks prior to this when handed a fixture list of friendlies and league games Penny queried one fixture. "Who are TBA? I haven't heard of them before". Enough said really.

Who knows what the new season will bring!

Instant Replay!

Earlier this year when Arsenal were at home to Leeds Utd several of the Town team visited one of the local Public Houses to watch the game. This group included one Christopher Pennington! With prime seats infront of the big screen the game began. After 5 or 10 minutes Pires scored to give Arsenal the lead, as Andy Gray commented on how quickly they had broken a "real-time" replay was shown.

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT! 2-0!" shouted Penny, believing the replay was actually live. The fact that the goal was exactly the same did not occur to poor Chris who again became the butt of the jokes for the night!

The Running Man

Friday 6th August 2004 saw quite a few of the 1st team join in with a drink for Jamie Kime's birthday. The night began at Jamie's local, The Gardeners Arms. The pub is roughly half way between Leeds and Wakefield so talk turned to where we would be heading later that night. It was jointly agreed that "Shakey Wakey" would be our port of call. Chris Pennington piped up that we should go for a drink at another pub before getting a taxi to Wakefield. "Let's have one at The Sun Inn, it's only round the corner." said Chris. The rest of the group rightly pointed out that The Sun is a couple of miles away and it would be rediculous to walk that far. However Chris refused to accept this "It's only 10 minutes away!".

Collectively we decided against it and ordered a taxi. When our carriage arrived we asked the driver to make a note of how far away The Sun actually is, 1.8 miles was the answer. "I power walk!" claimed Chris. Much ridicule followed before he told us that he once ran home from Wakefield after a night on the razz (roughly 10 miles away) "It only took me 40 minutes! I'd have done it quicker but i had my shoes on" claimed Penny. We remained in shock for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. "What!? It's no word of a lie, i'm fast" Penny continued.

If you've never met Chris you might catch a glimpse of him in Athens this summer, let's face it, with an average of 4 minutes per mile he's bound to be in the Great Britain squad at the Olympics.

Penny's Smoking!

After a home game last season we all headed into the Labour Club for a few pints. The athletes in the squad include a cigarette along with their drinks. As then manager Paul Penny opened a packet several people called for him to share them out including his brother Chris. "You smoke too much you!" said Paul.

Now, what Chris was trying to point out was that he doesn't smoke a lot but enjoys a cig with a pint, alas Chris said "I only smoke when i'm drinking and i'm drinking Coke now!" Alone this makes no sense, not to mention that infront of him sat a can of SPRITE!

The Greatest Day of Penny's Life

As people began arriving to the Town changing rooms before the game at home to Churwell Kris Parker noticed that Penny had the biggest smile ever seen on his face. When asked what was wrong Chris blurted out "I might have a girlfriend!". This alone would make Saturday Penny's greatest day alive only to find out 15 minutes later that he would be playing up front, the smile already on his face grew a little further. Even finding that his beloved cap was hung 10 foot up in the showers could not dampen his day. The day for Penny got even better when he bagged a brace to give Town their first win of the season or so it would seem. After getting back into the Labour club it was Chris's turn to sell the Football Card, "Knowing him he'll win it now" said Rio, he wasn't wrong for Chris picked Scunthorpe who duly bagged him 20 English Pounds. Well done Penny, things are looking up for you! 

The Lighter Side of Penny

Upon returning to the Labour Club after the away game at Featherstone a few of us were sat around a table with a pint before heading out into Leeds for the Christmas team drinking session. As ever a few of the lads were having a cigarette, Penny picked up Doyley's lighter which had "Wood Lane Stores" written on it. After having a good look at it Penny asked "Where did you get that from?". Simple yet amusing.

The Stag Do!

Thursday 11th November saw Town striker Kris Parker's stag do in Dublin, on the list was a Mr Christopher Pennington. Naturally 3 days with Penny would surely provide enough amusing moments to last a lifetime and we weren't to be dissapointed!!! Arriving at Leeds & Bradford Airport we disembarked the mini bus and were heading into the Terminal when a shout of "don't you need this then Penny?" came from behind. Turning round at the entrance of the airport Penny realised that he was walking off without his suitcase! Safe to say this was going to set the tone for the next few days, not to mention that we had convinced him that there was a half hour time difference in Ireland. The first day was set out for sheer drinking for the whole day, and Penny took that to heart, ordering pints of his favourite tipple, white wine and soda water! As any drinker knows the next morning is usually accompanied with the smell of stale ale on clothes and breath, sadly for Rio he had no idea how bad Penny could smell the next morning as they shared the room. Explaining how Chris sleeps more or less sat upright in bed Rio could not stop shaking his head.

That morning most of the lads went on a walk around Dublin with Penny dressed like an ugly Enrique/Compo in his Beenie hat. Town supporter Phil found himself walking alongside Penny at one point who pointed to a pile of breeze blocks and said "that's what i'm going to call my kid". Looking at Penny strangely Phil asked "You're going to call your kid Breeze block?" "NO" said Penny, "i'm going to call it Mudbrick if it's a girl and Bruce if it's a boy". After this it was time to start drinking again as the clocks struck 12, we found a bar to settle in, Doyle's Bar! Inside there was a steady flow of people coming in and out so we decided to have a sweepstake on the next person through the doors name. With guesses around the table of Len, Patrick, Michael and then Sean it was Penny's turn who quickly said Sean again. After being told that the name had already been chosed he blurted out "Shane then". Took a lot of thinking. (Kieron was his name by the way).

That night we went back out for a meal in a bar we had frequented earlier that day. Doyley and Kime took on the "Steak Challenge" where a slab of meat the size of a large plate was put in front of each of them and also Kris Parker managed to fall down a flight of stairs but only suffered what looked like a small paper cut to a knuckle and beer still in his glass somehow. After the meal Penny was looking a little worse for wear and told most of us that he was feeling like a dog on heat. As the night wore on people began heading back to the hotel, at the point that i headed back i met Penny walking back out of the lobby who said he was off back out at 2 in the morning! Sitting with a few others in the hotel bar with a drink we saw Penny coming back 15 minutes later to tell us that he'd been mugged by five 15 year old girls (but they could have been 16) for his hat! as another person came back to the hotel Penny would explain what happened again, this time it was three 14 year olds, then 6 sixteen year olds!

The next day involved a trip to Punchestown races and more alcohol, the car journey was at leat 40 minutes so on the way back Penny's bladder was struggling to hold out for much longer. Pulling up at some lights he jumped out of the car and over to the long grass at the roadside to relieve himself, sadly for Chris the lights soon changed and had to run after the car down the road. That night we went out to watch the Great Britain vs Australia rugby match, it was here that Penny said that he needed to borrow some money, Kris pulled out some English money and told him that if he went to change it at a bank round the corner he could borrow it so off he went. 10 minutes later he returned to tell us that money changing shop turned it's lights off and closed as he got 5 yards away. Poor lad.

The next morning was time to go home, Rio came down to the lobby with a smile on his face before explaining the night he had just had sharing a room with Penny. At 6:30 a.m. there was a knock at the door, Rio went to answer it but there was nobody there so went back to bed. 5 minutes later there was a knock on the door again but again nobody was there. As Rio turned to go back to bed he heard the knock again and realised that it was coming from the bathroom! Opening the door Rio found Penny stood in the dark asking where everybody else was and what happened to the music thinking he was in the toilets of a Nightclub! On closer inspection Rio noticed that Penny had been to the toilet but forgot to lift the lid. Disgusted he wiped the toilet down with a towel and told Penny not to use it. Soon after he was spotted cleaning his nose with the same towel. WHAT A GUY!

Anybody going on a stag do or having a party i would reccommend taking Penny with you.